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24 - Four Feathers

Journey 23

On Thursday 23rd August I get an email from Mayen - subject - "The Four Feathers."
This film had come up in one of our chats, from the 23rd July actually, precisely one month previously. As well as dropping the occasional hint that she was not feeling well, losing weight, vomiting etc. Mayen would plant little seeds of ideas that would be used later - she seemed to be experienced enough to sense how things were going to map out.

23rd July chat session:
mayen: i was watching a dvd movie this afternoon
mayen: hehehe
tim: what film?
mayen: the four feathers
tim: What's it about?
mayen: its a story of the british army
mayen: i remember you with the same uniform hehehe red
tim: ah - I may have seen it - I have seen it - the feathers meant he was a coward - because he left someone behind in the battle yah?
mayen: is it true that the 4 feathers symbolizes cowardice in the british army?
tim: and he has to prove himself to a woman
mayen: yeah thta's it.. its really a nice story
tim: was it a red uniform?
mayen: yeah like the one you sent to me red uniform
tim: yah - you know why they're red? So the blood doesn't show. That's true.
mayen: aha
tim: yah
mayen: i like the story its interesting
tim: you up really late yah?
mayen: after that movie i sleep all afternoon
tim: so nice to chat to you though, he, he mWaaaaaaah
mayen: hehehe that's why cant sleep
tim: ah - yeah I know that feeling - in the heat especially
mayen: mwwaaahhh
mayen: how long you stayed in the army?
tim: only 6 years-I joined at 15 - straight from school.
tim: but that was long enough!
mayen: ah but you never sent to a war? hehehe
tim: no - thank goodness - I was a musician - we play horrible music - to frighten the enemy, he,he.
mayen: hehehe
mayen: oh that's really horrible in the battlefield
mayen: huhuhuh
tim: darling I love you - I love you -I love you so much.
mayen: i love you too
mayen: so soo

So having learned that I would respond to accusations of cowardice the email that came focussed almost exclusively on this - and no doubt, the email I had sent to Sir Francis's "close" business associate helped to inform them all that my emotional state was preoccupied with cowardice - just as I had anticipated it would.

I am amazed at Mayen's accurate memory of the film - remembering a detail like "The Mahdi."
The capital letters are all Mayen's.

im fine now, fit enough to leave the hospital.i have already settled the hospital bills. I never expect you to pay for it coz there is no assurance from you. Sir F also has done too much for me. I called up my family in province last saturday to ask for help. they decided to pawn thier inherit property to pay for the hospital bills.I dont want them to involved with this but i have to coz in these times they are the only one i can lean upon on.Its hard to accept the fact that my family is affected with this situation because you are running away your obligations, you are turning away from me. You have seen my family and their situation.Now this is a big mess. Im telling you this not because i want payment from you but because I WANT YOU TO BEAR IN YOUR MIND THAT OUTHERE THERE IS SOMEONE YOU MOCKED, YOU INSULTED AND YOU DEGRADED. i hope you can sleep well with your conscience.
Are you happy doing it to me? are you satisfied?Timmy, i know that your heart knows that im telling the truth and you know it by yourself. But you let yourself MOTIVATED by those DIRTY THOUGHTS. You are WEAK AND COWARD. You are Blind and Deaf.You dont know how to stand in your own decisions. You have no Self confidence. You dont know how to fight. And above all, you are afraid of the Truth.Why dont you listen to yourself? Dont go on with that kind of life Timmy coz you will be a looser. You wont be happy for the rest of your life. Im not afraid to tell you these, coz im in the side of the Truth. And the truth shall prevail. You know the TRUTH but you refused them Because you are ashamed. you wont accept the fact because of the PRIDE you have in Yourself. You hide because you lived with doubts and fears. suspicions and guilt. Your HEART KNOWS ME MORE BUT YOU FORGET ME. YOU FORGET OUR GOOD MEMORIES WE HAD. If you can still remember those, do you think i can do what you accused me? your heart will say NO, cos you know i cant do that. and everytime Timmy you will think of me you will feel guilt. Do you still remember the movie that i told you THE FOUR FEATHERS. Its about the british young soldier who dont want to go to war against the MAHDI because he was afraid, He was doudbtful. there was something in his mind " A FEAR TO HIMSELF". and that's what you are.
Since from the start i never lie to you. I swear to God. I TRUSTED you with all my heart. I respected you. and you let those respect vanished. How many times did you insult me? Can you still remember? But still i forgave you. i forgave you because i love you, because i know that those are testing times how strong we are. But now i doubt if we can pass this test because you are opposite to me, im strong as samson but you are weak. Im trying to save our love but you surrender you gave up. And that's the saddest part.
I know you are thinking that im just after of your money. How much money did you send me? millions? billions? its hundreds timmy... and its a help from you its not an extort.. coz you know my situation. and its a help from you.. can you understand the nature of help? i never thought that everytime you gave me, there is something at the back in your mind a dirty mind. am i extorting money? Timmy your not a duke nor a prince.. i know from the start that you are just a poor musician. Think of it you have no money, you have no wealth. what will i get from you? yes im poor financially, but im young, im strong as samson, im full of love and honesty in my heart, i have real friends, i have a big happy family. and i have so much in life, i have good life ahead. But why i let you enter in my world, despite of our differences?before i can hear the opinions from the people around me but i never listen to them, i still stand in your side, i fight for you. Coz my heart knows you more and that's the most important thing. and i loved you. i accept you as you are. your such a good man to me.But now i dont know you anymore. you are not my Timmy boy anymore. you are not the TIMOTHY ELLIS CUMPER that i knew.
Maybe this had happened to us has a reason..God has a reason..Maybe, HE make a test to prove how strong our love. or maybe he want me to find out your true color. or maybe He dont want me to marry a man like you. I DONT KNOW.. ONLY GOD KNOWS.. No wonder why your not happy with your married life, because you dont know how to fight your own happiness. GOD gave you the chance to be happy but you refused to be . ITs your choice not to be happy anymore. and you are the looser Timmy. and im so sorry for you.
I hope also this will end well timmy.. i hope someday you will realise.. its not the issue of the money its all about the truth and the dignity.. i will remember the happy moments we had and it will remain forever. im still the curly hair you knew from the start and nothing will change to me. promise..

As you can see from my reply - although quite firm in language there are obvious signs of my lingering ambivalence - I still loved her tremendously despite my suspicions - and yes - letters like the four feathers really hit home - like precision guided missiles into my heart.

Hi Darling - nice try - yes I do still have love for Mayen in my heart. But is that the real Mayen? No that is the love in MY heart. I can separate the two. The love in my heart - which I was perfectly prepared to devote to you - but you threw it all away - by giving into avarice - in your case - cupidity would be a far better term - because the arrows of your love were poisoned.
Yes I do still have happy memories - I also have conclusive proof that this was all a scam.
You are quite good at it - a little careless at times though.
It's all online for you to see - in my blog - you're famous - what you've always wanted, eh?
See if you can spot the mistake.
Have a lovely life - and stick to the truth - and the love that's in your own heart.

Anyway - I was bluffing - strong suspicions are not the same as conclusive proof.
Sir Francis meanwhile was becoming more and more conspicuous by his absence - in fact the very last email that I was ever to get from him had already been sent. He was leaving it all up to the girls - "his people" - to sort out. Of course he wanted to distance himself as far from this as possible - I was bringing not only his name but the name of the real estate business into the arena of public shame.

On the same day as the email from Mayen stating that she was now out of the hospital and that she had arranged the previous Saturday for her parents to deal with the account, I received another email from the accounts department at the hospital - a copy of the previous one they had sent with the photocopy of a bill attached. I hastily emailed them back:

Thursday August 23rd.
Please confirm payment of this account.

They responded on August 29th with:

Dear Sir,
We havent received yet the payment in our account.
Hoping for your great response.

Also on the 23rd August I decide to broaden my search for help - I write a lengthy email to the Philippine Embassy in London.
They reply with:

Dear Tim,
We shall seek the assistance of our office in Manila in terms of verifying some of the items you raised. As soon as we have this, we shall let you know.
In the meantime, we suggest that you exercise reasonable prudence and diligence.
Best regards,
Consul General
Embassy of the Philippines
9A Palace Green
London W8 4QE

I have kept them up to date with events, but despite receiving this on August 29th:

I have not yet received any communication from our office in Manila. This is not totally unusual though.
In the end, I believe it is your call on what perspective you place on certain events. No one told any of us that handling relationships are easy. It never is. But you may wish, as we have advised you earlier, to exercise due diligence and prudence, most especially on what you post in the public space of the internet.
Best regards,

I fear that this particular line of enquiry has ended - raising questions in my mind as to why.

On Friday 24th August, at 9.40 am - I start thinking about the very first phone call from the hospital - it wasn't Mayen's own cellphone - she told me there was no signal on her phone - I seem to remember that she might have been trying to convince me that she was using a hospital phone.
I decide to phone the number, using Skype - first time I get through to a woman - who hangs up. I try again - this time a man answers - I start asking questions "Who does this phone belong to?" Eventually the woman comes on the phone again - I say that my name is Tim, from the UK - she realises who I am - the connection with Mayen - and tells me that she is ate Glo - Mayen's new landlady - "Can you tell me about the events of August 10th?" I ask her - and she confirms everything that Mayen had told me - the timings, that she took Mayen to the hospital in her car. I was severely disturbed by this.
I am not used to people telling me lies, right in my ear - could it all be true?

[How do I know who I was really speaking to? Whoever it was, obviously connected to Mayen in some way - as this was the phone used to call me from the hospital - but whoever it was could well have been "primed on the story" by now, & on recognizing my name, simply read from that script.]

I get a response to my email from Mayen, again referring back to something she had already told me about during one of our chat sessions - I detected a rather sinister warning at the end - Subject - The Instinct of a Woman:

i remember,that there was a night that i was really crying.. i cant sleep.. thinking of what will happen. i really had a bad feeling.. thinking what will happen to us. its like im afraid of the distance we had.. afraid that there will be something happen in the future.. im afraid on coz i feel you will be turning away, running away from me. very early in the morning i talked to you and you told me i dont have to be afraid it wont happen. you promised me.. can you still remember that? and this is it.. it happend. you let this happen.. because of the weakness you have in yourself. im trying to save the relationship we have but its already destroyed by you,everything is destroyed. i have no choice but to let you go. YOU ARE A LOSER! and YOU ARE NOTHING! yOU ARE A SORRY FELLOW..
I warn you Timmy, be careful of what you are planning...It wont be good for you.
thank you so much for the good times.

I reply with - A Man's Instinct:

Dear Mayen,
You found a different side to yourself - and it really suits you well.
You really prefer that side - honest, loving, respectful, sincere, loyal - with high regard for truth, God, ethics.
That was what we shared together.
My love for you has never been in question.
Your love, however - because of your situation - has a sting in the tail.
Yes - you're right - it is not about the money - not one little bit.
It is about truth and dignity.
Your truth - and your dignity.
The fact that you can sleep at night means you are perfectly happy doing these things.
You love the thrill of it - it makes you feel special.
Obviously more special than the sincere love that I offered you.
I will love you - no matter what you have done.
But it can only survive with absolute honesty.
It's your choice - Mayen - you were planning this all along - what took you by surprise were your own feelings - and they have illuminated your choice - it should be plain to see.
Timmy boy

I send another email - wanting to end matters with a poem:

We will meet again
At the very end of time
When all has been stripped away.
Then you will read my heart,
And see your face inscribed
In the book of my life.
We could have found
That heaven on earth,
And put all else aside,
Gathering riches for the soul,
Your lotus bloom
Held proud,
But the cloudy waters
Are rising -
Submerging you.
Can you get free?

Mayen replies again, which I receive on the Saturday 25th August:

until this time i really keep asking myself WHY? It HURTS really.. i dont know why you do this to me.. are you angry with me? you tell me... where did i go wrong? why you jump into a conclusion without hearing my side? i want to know.. timmy, i know you are hurt like what i feel.. this is so difficult to move on, the both of us.. we will talk in order to relieve, we are free to express everything.. without hatred and pride in our hearts... you talk to me..
after this.. i will go somewhere else with no computer or any technology.. i want to contemplate.. i want to be peaceful.. i want to be just like before.. i want to move on..
but one thing i will assure you, i never do anything wrong to you.. but if you still insist your side then.. i have nothing to do with it, go on with it and you will never be happy for the rest of your life.. coz God knows.. im waiting for you at YM.

How I wished her words had the slightest grain of truth in them - I was still highly confused - and my optimism clinging on to the love I still felt for her.

I realised that there was an invitation for a chat session, so I signed in to Yahoo Messenger and we had our first chat session since the hospital episode began.
The book that Mayen refers to in our chat is the one that I was reading during my visit - at her request, I had left it with her.
This is going to be stressful - and interesting.

mayen: timmy
mayen: im here now
mayen: we will talk
mayen: you wake up
mayen: this is our problem we will settle this
mayen: you will hear my side and your side i will listen
mayen: i dont want to have a messy life timmy
mayen: TIMMY timmy timmy
mayen: you wake up
mayen: i know you are there
tim: I'm here - I'm so sorry - this is awful - I'm so, so sad - either way
mayen: you tell me why?
mayen: you tell me your anger
tim: there is no real anger
mayen: you tell me everything you want to say to me
mayen: okay.. if there is no anger then why you jump into a conclusion without hearing my side
tim: what is your side?
mayen: you never believe what had happened to me
mayen: am i right?
tim: you're right
mayen: okay
mayen: then.. what do you want from now on?
tim: honesty
mayen: i cant force you to believe in me
tim: I know - that's why I have to find out for myself
mayen: so how can you find out if your hiding from me
tim: I have to find out without asking you - because of how I feel
mayen: i swear i never lie to you
mayen: and that's i will insist
mayen: now.. you think.. you contemplate
tim: don't worry - I have been
mayen: timmy, this is sad
tim: why are you still concerned about me?
mayen: its because i can feel you
mayen: i can feel you are hurt
mayen: we are hurt
tim: yah
tim: I'm sorry
mayen: this is really the worts that ever happend
tim: yah - I know - talaga
mayen: isa this goodbye now?
mayen: from a simple hi to a sad goodbye
tim: no -we will meet again
mayen: i hope it will end with a heart relierf
mayen: relief
tim: for both of us
mayen: yes
mayen: i will go to somewhere else
mayen: no computer
tim: where?
mayen: no celfone
mayen: i want to move on
[So, Mayen has decided to put her self out of touch. But very soon, emails from the very same IP address and SMS messages will start arriving again.]
tim: from what?
mayen: from this hurt you have done
tim: aha - it is not about money at all
mayen: and when i will come back i want to write a new chapter
mayen: a new life
mayen: a new hope
tim: your words are very powerful
mayen: yes
mayen: you teach me
mayen: why you got the messages in DIA?
tim: what messages? I have erased my profile there
mayen: WHEN I VIVITED THE dia.. your messages was gone
tim: I have disappeared from there
mayen: i suspected you are the one responsible
mayen: but anyway those words are with in me
mayen: even you will erase it it will remain forever
tim: I don't know what happened there - but I have removed my profile - because I am so hurt
mayen: in me
mayen: dont lie timmy i know you
tim: and you will remain with me - that is why it must be resolved
tim: I do not lie to you
mayen: vbut you did
tim: how?
mayen: you wont accept you steal those messages
tim: Please understand - before I erased my profile - long before
tim: I copied the messages - most of it - as proof of relationship - for our marriage
tim: after this last episode - I erased my profile
mayen: do i have to believe
mayen: maybe no
tim: yah
tim: true
mayen: no
tim: I didn't realise that your messages would disappera as well
mayen: you did it
tim: I didn't erase the messages - I cancelled my whole account
tim: I expect that's when they disappeared - but you are still there - I didn't realise that they would vanish completely
mayen: i dont know
tim: that is true - why is it so important?
mayen: yes
mayen: but if you are erasing it nothing will do
mayen: why you circulate those messages?
mayen: to everyone?
tim: because I need to know the truth
tim: and I am a long way away - I needed help
tim: becuase it was pivotal to everything about us - past - present -future
tim absolutely vital that I find the truth
mayen: are you not satisfied with what you have done ?
tim: what have I done?
mayen: you hurt me
mayen: you hurt me
mayen: you hurt me
tim: I am searching for the truth
mayen: okay go on with that truth you want to find
mayen: go on
mayen: someday you will realise
tim: how do you think I feel if it is all a lie?
tim: how will I realise?
tim if nobody helps me find out
mayen: you will realise that you wont be happy doing it
tim: I am not happy - but I need to know
mayen: yourself knows the truth
tim: the whole thing is very sad
tim: all I know is how I feel for you
tim: but that doesn't mean I know you
mayen: i dont have to insist
tim: no you don't
mayen: you are now holding your pride
mayen: its the PRIDE
tim: as opposed to what?
mayen: you have that's why you keep on insisting
tim: because I can't believe that what I felt was so wrong - I was tricked
mayen: its not a trick
mayen: what you feel was true
mayen: but i dont know
tim: from beginning to end - a confidence trick
mayen: why you allow this dirty thoughts
mayen: is it because of insecurity?
tim: they are born of the world these thoughts
mayen: timmy, im youmg
tim: the lotus flower
mayen: all i know about life
mayen: is
mayen: to pursue for happiness
mayen: to fight for happinness
tim: I agree - and what is your sort of happiness?
mayen: not to live with
mayen: doudts
mayen: doubts
mayen: with suspicions
tim: I agree - that is why I fight for the truth
mayen: then what truth your looking for
tim: how long is your scar?
[Why does Mayen not answer this critical question?]
mayen: telling the whole world
mayen: that im a liar?
mayen: ino timmy
mayen: im not a liar
tim: the truth is the truth
mayen: you know it
mayen: the scar remains forever
tim: you never tell lies?
mayen: no
tim: never?
mayen: nevr
tim: never, ever?
mayen: from the start of our relationship never
mayen: coz i value
mayen: our relationship
tim: what do you want to happen now then Mayen?
tim: Mayen, Mayen, Mayen
mayen: i want you to be brave
mayen: strong
tim: and . . . ?
mayen: and dont possess cowardice
tim: and . . . ?
mayen: because as i have told you you will be a looser
mayen: im trying to save our love
tim: thank you for the warning - how can we save it?
mayen: but all of a sudden it was gone
tim: no - it never went anywhere
tim: it got diverted
mayen: i dont know
mayen: i really dont know
tim: what do you want me to do?
mayen: its only HE KNOWS
mayen: realise evrything
tim: He is taking a long time in telling me
mayen: heal everthing
tim: how?
mayen: its in the book
tim: what book?
mayen: conversation with GOD
tim: quote me then . . .
mayen: its too long to qoute
mayen: all of those pages
tim: he, he
mayen: hehehe
mayen: timmy timmy timmy
tim: mayen, Mayen, Mayen
mayen: even im so emotional but im trying to smile ay you
tim: can we recover from this?
mayen: remembering those
mayen: happy days
tim: yah
mayen: i never thought
mayen: this is all happening
mayen: and they say
mayen: the song
mayen: we have sung before
mayen: what do you get when you fall in love
tim: you get a pin to burst your bubble
[This song keeps on cropping up.]
mayen: hehehe nice song
tim: yah
mayen: it really reminds me of this
tim: can we recover from this?
mayen: yes but it takes a long time
mayen: we will forgive ann forget
mayen: that's the only way
mayen: agree?
tim: agree
tim: I am amazed
mayen: why?
mayen: i feel relieved now timmy
mayen: are you sleeping?
tim: no I'm justed amazzzzzzzzed
mayen: why?
tim: because I do not deserve you to even talk to me
mayen: why you dont deserve?
tim: because according to you - I have deserted you, hurt you, distrusted you
tim: and insulted you
mayen: yes you did
mayen: i know it
tim: and you still can forgive?
mayen: im always forgave you
mayen: since from the start
mayen: i always forgive
tim: yah - and I forgive you even if it is a trick
mayen: coz according to my grandma.. dont let haterd live in your heart
mayen: you wont be happy
tim: no, I know - I have no hatred - none of this is about hatred - truly it isn't
tim: it's about truth
mayen: timmy, you think all what you think.. a trick. a lie. i can never do about it
mayen: coz its in your thinking
mayen: i cant divert it
tim: yah - because everything that happened supported that thinking
mayen: its not
mayen: true
mayen: so that we will not argue
mayen: i have a good suggestion
tim: yah?
mayen: i will stand what i say
tim: yah
mayen: and you will stand in your own
mayen: on you thinking
mayen: coz evrytime we will insist each other's side no one will be humble
mayen: the both of us keep on insisting
tim: true - only while we talk - but the facts are the facts
tim: and they affect everything we say or do from now on
mayen: it wont affect
tim: it's not a small matter - it is crucial
mayen: coz after this talk
mayen: we will not talk
mayen: and the truth shall prevail someday
tim: so who is running away now?
mayen: im not running awy
tim: well stay then - and let the truth prevail
mayen: hehehe.. you know where i got the slogan" the truth shall prevail
tim: where?
mayen: its in the biggest news paper in the philippines .. philippine daily inqiurer
tim: the Motto?
mayen: yes
mayen: the truth shall prevail
mayen: its there motto
tim: it will prevail - at the end of time
mayen: yes
mayen: it will
mayen: any interruptions?
tim: no - Friday night
mayen: ahhhhh
mayen: i thought there is
tim: no one here but me
tim: where are you?
mayen: in the cafe
mayen: im taking rest for a month
mayen: after this talk
mayen: i will go somewhere else
tim: where?
mayen: where no one knows me
tim: why?
mayen: i told you already
mayen: timmy timmy timmy
tim: why do you disappear? Mayen Mayen MAyen
mayen: i will miss you and these technology
mayen: im not disappear
mayen: i will just have to breath a fresh air
mayen: a space for me and for you
tim: I will never ever forget you
tim: but I am getting old
mayen: no i wont forget you
mayen: you are in my tummy
tim: I wanted so much for our happiness
mayen: it will be forever
mayen: it will remain forevr
mayen: i can feel you
mayen: are you crying?
tim: almost - yah
mayen: me too
tim: no - it cannot end
mayen: what?
mayen: you mean?
tim: us
mayen: timmy goodbyes are not forever
tim: true
tim: God be with you
mayen: i will be back as soon as we will be heald
mayen: if there is no pain
mayen: and no broken hearts
mayen: you are crying i know it
mayen: i still can feel you
mayen: timmyboy
tim: yah - you can
tim: buko baby
mayen: hehehe
mayen: mmwwaaah
tim: mWaaaaaaah
mayen: why we feel each other?
tim: it's a mystery
mayen: yes it is
mayen: really a mystery
tim: it is so deep and fragile - that is why it broke
tim: I neede to put my faith in something that I could not see, or hear, or touch
mayen: yes
mayen: go on
tim: it was my secret - my deep secret - so deep that anything could cover it up
mayen: yes
tim: and the doubts came and covered it up
tim: but it is still there
mayen: i hope so
tim: I do not understand
mayen: i hope it will end well my timmyboy
tim: I love you Mayen
mayen: i love you still nothing change
mayen: but we have to move on
tim: yah - we do - I am not writing any more - I have stopped
tim: no more letters
mayen: i want but im afraid you will steal it
tim: my story is my story - and I don't know whether we can write a different ending
tim: steal what sweetheart?
mayen: steal your letters
mayen: back to you
tim: I can send you what I have - but there are bits missing - I didn't copy it all
mayen: thank you
tim: and the poems - I atill have them all
mayen: yes i know
tim: how do you know?
mayen: you give it back to me
mayen: i know you
tim: I will send them - they are all in one very big file
tim: Are you being truthfull to me - for the sake of what we have had - please, please, please - just tell me - I don't care what you say - just tell me the truth - then we can start over.
tim: I have no anger or hatred
tim: for anyone
mayen: what i will tell you
tim: tell me all
mayen: timmy, i tell you the truth
mayen: i was in the hospital
mayen: i never thought it will happen
mayen: it was an ectopic pregnancy
tim: it is very rare - an Ectopic Pregnancy - although I have heard of such scams in Thailand
mayen: timmy
tim: yah?
mayen: i swear to GOD
mayen: i will be going to hell if im telling you lie
tim: ok -carry on please
mayen: you ask me questios
mayen: i will answer you
mayen: everything you have doudts
mayen: everything you suspcted
mayen: you ask me
mayen: i will answer
tim: why could your friends not manage to send me anything convincing from the hospital?
mayen: okay
mayen: i will answer
mayen: marivien is too busy
mayen: they were panic
mayen: they dont know what will they do first
mayen: they talked to the hospital but
mayen: the hospital refused
tim: simply get the accounts office to send me an email
tim: Why they refuse?
mayen: they will ask permission to the office of the director
tim: it was critical
tim: to send an email?
mayen: yes
tim: why?
tim: if I was willing to pay
tim: why not get in touch with me?
tim: that doesn't make sense
mayen: timmy, they told this is a personal problem
mayen: they told that if you boyfriend dont trust you then how could he trust us
mayen: thats the hospitals reason
[The trouble with this is & the reply from the "Legal Counsel" - all about "Patient Confidentiality" - not only had "Dr Leonardo" already spoken to me on the telephone 10/08/07 and told me all about Mayen's situation, but the nurse supervisor that I spoke to on the phone 13/08/07 also got "Confidential" information from the accounts office. So when it suited them - they would tell me information - but when it didn't - they would hide behind this for an excuse. It is transparently all fantasy.]
tim: damn right it was - our problem - and it was urgent on the Monday - desperately urgent
mayen: and 2nd reason
tim: that doesn't make sense - the internet is full of stories of scams - just like this - they advise to deal directly with the hospital
mayen: timmy, if you sound like that then
mayen: there is nothing to ask for
mayen: if your mind is just focused on that
mayen: i told you already.. that this wont work for us
tim: Precisely - but my mind was focussed on getting proof - and you all knew it - why could you not oblige?
mayen: timmy, the hospital sent you the bills
mayen: they sent you
mayen: it was late
tim: a whole week later
mayen: and im angry because they have no action to my request
mayen: they keep on refusing and refusing
tim: and they were'nt the same figures - the details were different - your patient number
tim: we got a dreadful response from Dr Dizon - no response from Dra Leonardo
tim: a liter of blood means you would have been unconscious
mayen: you talked to dra leonardo in the hospital
tim: no - I wrote to her - but no reply
mayen: she told me she never receive any e mail from you
[Interesting - this subject presumably must have been brought up by Mayen with the Dra. How did Mayen know I had even sent her an email?]

mayen: and also the hospital
mayen: they told me they never recieved
tim: she has one - the same as we sent Dr Dizon
mayen: any e amil
mayen: e amil from you
tim: on the email address that Sir Francis sent me
tim: who did I speak to on the Friday on the phone - just after I spoke with you?
mayen: its dra leonardo
tim: aha - ok
mayen: i really dont know
tim: when did you arrive at the hospital?
mayen: exchanging wrong ideas
mayen: dealing with different people
tim: if you can remember
mayen: be fore luch
tim: ok
mayen: i called up ate glo to help me
tim: that is a long time after the pain started?
mayen: dawn of friday
mayen: friday 4am
tim: yah - but you didn't get to hospital for a long time?
mayen: i thought it was just a stomache
mayen: until 9am
tim: I'm sorry
mayen: im taking medicine
mayen: but the pain never stops
mayen: i texted ate glo
mayen: i ask her for help
mayen: the severe stomache
mayen: she put liniment
mayen: she prepared me tea
mayen: but it never helps
tim: yah - I understand
mayen: until she decided me to bring me to the hospital
mayen: i cant stand
mayen: his son carried me
mayen: to the car
mayen: then
mayen: we arrived at paranaque medical center
mayen: i calles up marivien
mayen: and sir F
mayen: they are the only one who is near to me
mayen: ant then i called you up
mayen: you remember it?
tim: yah - I certainly do -mWaaaaaaaah
[So ate Glo took Mayen to the hospital sometime after 9.00 am (PH time) - the call I received was at 1.30 pm (PH time) and the operation happened at around 3.45 pm (PH time.) That seems to me to be an enormous time scale for an emergency operation.]
tim: why were you so concerned about the money?
mayen: im not concerned
mayen: i was just rattle
mayen: i told you be ready for the hospital bill
mayen: i never thought you make color of it
mayen: im afraid cod the doctor told me
mayen: i will go operation
tim: no - it was never the money - it was trying to find out the truth
mayen: and im thinking how will ipay
mayen: i know i have nothing
mayen: to pay
mayen: and that's it
mayen: that's why i called you
tim: why did you ask me to send the money via Western Union?
mayen: yes
tim: why?
mayen: i do because i want to pay the ate glo for the laboratory
[This does not appear as a "credit" on the bill.]
mayen: she was the one who pay for the laboratories and other fees
tim: why was that so important?
mayen: i have nothing to pay
mayen: i called sir F he deposited the hospital
tim: how much?
mayen: 1,.000
mayen: 10 thousand
mayen: pesos
tim: plus . . .?
mayen: plus the advances i have
tim: on the Saturday and Sunday?
mayen: i borrowed him for day to day expenses
mayen: and for the blood transfusion
tim: how much?
mayen: it takes all 4500
mayen: 1 500
mayen: plus 3000
mayen: i dont know
tim: and that all went to the hospital?
mayen: why you are so doubtful
tim: please answer
mayen: what?
tim: the 4500 went to the hospital?
mayen: 1500 for the blood
mayen: the 3thousand is for the expenses
mayen: coz i have no money
mayen: to buy food
mayen: to buy medicine
mayen: and others
mayen: i have nothing
mayen: sister adelaide
mayen: was there
tim: I understand
tim: I spoke to her
mayen: she take over marivien for nursing me
mayen: i ask marivien to contact to you
mayen: to e mail you
mayen: i let her access my computer
tim: yah - she did
mayen: my e mai
mayen: l
tim: why did you let her do that?
mayen: and ym
mayen: i gave her the password
tim: when?
mayen: she 's the only one i can lean on those ting
tim: when did you give her your password?
mayen: on the 2nd day in the hospital
tim: Saturday?
mayen: first day i tell her the password
[The Friday - when I suspect that my activity was being monitored on her Yahoo Messenger, while Mayen herself was quite possibly at the hospital.]
mayen: i dont know if she do it right awy
mayen: im not allowed to talk according to the doctor
mayen: we never talk
tim: why didn't you simply give Marivien my email address?
mayen: i told her.. gurl you email timmy at tim*******@********.com
mayen: but she told me it was wrong
mayen: i keep on insisting that its right e amil
tim: how did she know it was wrong?
mayen: but she insited its wrong
mayen: because when she email there is a message from yahoo
mayen: failed
mayen: then i give her my password
mayen: too make sure
tim: maybe that's because I had blocked it
mayen: and that's it
tim: yah - ok
mayen: on those days in the hospital
mayen: i never thought
mayen: why?
mayen: its happening
tim: I tell you why
mayen: why
tim: I thought I would arrive in Manila on the Wednesday - Sir Francis would have paid the "bill" - you would have disappeared somewhere - or I'd never get to see the scar
tim: I would end up owing him the money - and I would have been prevenred in dealing with the hospital
mayen: i have the scar it will remain forever
tim: I was dealing with a gang - taht also had infiltrated the hospital
mayen: i dont know
mayen: i only know is that they deal with you
tim: where did Marivien get the first lot of figures from that she sent me?
mayen: they try to help me
mayen: i never aks her
mayen: they got the initial bill to the hospiatl
mayen: everyday the hospital bills is growing
mayen: for the room
mayen: im so sorry if you think im concerned of the money
mayen: then maybe you mis interpret it
mayen: but you dont have to pay
mayen: my family settled the bills
mayen: if you are suspecting that im concerned of the money
mayen: and that's the reason why you suspected
mayen: that its a scam
mayen: its the emotions of afraid coz i have nothing to pay
tim: the reason why I was suspicious is because I neede to know the truth - because everything we had done or said or planned depended on us being honest with each other
mayen: im honest to you
mayen: if you have something in your mind that you misinterpret
mayen: then we will clear it up
mayen: and the things you have done, the words you have sent to the gang are very insulting
mayen: and it hurts
mayen: the actuatios
mayen: and everything
tim: yah I know - and I will appologise fully if it turns out to be different
mayen: im trying to build a genuine frienship
tim: but you are all very clever people
mayen: to you and to Sir F and to the people around me but it was ruined
mayen: because of that suspicions
tim: why did you warn me in your email the other day?
mayen: i never warned you
mayen: yes i will admit
mayen: i warn you because im angry
mayen: im really angry
mayen: I WAS ANGRY
tim: warn you Timmy, be careful of what you are planning...It wont be good for you.
mayen: yes
mayen: that's it
tim: what was I planning?
mayen: it wont be good for you because God wont be happy
tim: what was I planning?
mayen: you are the only one who knows
mayen: your plan
tim: you had your idea - tell me
mayen: you did your plan
mayen: you circulate those messages
tim: to get to the truth
mayen: to the whole world
mayen: and that's why i was angry
time: hardly - just one or two select people
mayen: now
tim: 9 or 10
mayen: go on
mayen: i told you this early
tim: if it is all my imagination then I will appologise
mayen: timmy i have express all the anger
mayen: i have for you
tim: yah
mayen: its up to you
tim: yah
mayen: i cant force you to believe in me
tim: no
mayen: its all up to you
mayen: now
mayen: plans?
mayen: what will be next?
mayen: saying goodbye
tim: no
mayen: its hard
mayen: its hard to accept that the person you love, is the person who will not trust you
mayen: who will destroy
mayen: everything the dreams
mayen: the plans
mayen: the wedding
mayen: the coming twins
tim: huhuhuh
mayen: yes
tim: it is very hard
tim: impossible - especially at long distance like this
mayen: yes
mayen: that's why i told you
tim: I tried really hard to explain all the discrepencies
mayen: im afraid of the distance
mayen: its really horrible
mayen: i hope someday we will realise each others mistakes
tim: because it was so critical - I have never lied to you about my love for you - but that was what I felyt because of who you told me you were
tim: you neede me to believe you - whether you were being truthful or not - either way I had to believe you
mayen: its up to you
tim: if you are one sort of person you are not capable of such deceit - but if you are another - you can pretend anything to get what you want
mayen: timmy
mayen: timmy
mayen: timmy
tim: yah?
tim: Mayen Mayen Mayen
mayen: how can we heal this broken heart
mayen: this is soooooooooooooo
mayen: worst
tim: we bothe must KNOW the truth
mayen: yes
mayen: someday
mayen: someday
bmayen: outhere
tim: that is the only way - because the truth will prove both of us - whether I allowed something deep and invisible to be swept away by doubt - or whether I was simply being wise and cautious. Did you expect me to be blind?
mayen: yes
mayen: you are
tim: blind?
mayen: because you see me
mayen: you see vevrything
mayen: but
mayen: my family
mayen: friends
tim: I feel love in my heart for you - but that is my love
mayen: but still you never open it
tim: but what do confidence tricksters do?
tim: they gain my confidence
mayen: timmy, dont say bad words against me
tim: and then my love -
tim: and once they are certain - / . . .
mayen: no
mayen: they are not
mayen: timmy
mayen: timmy
mayen: timmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
tim: Mayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
mayen: have to eat my mangoes
mayen: imhungry
mayen: i remember eating mangoes all day
tim: we are talking in unsubstantive terms - we are talking about invisible forces - what I need is concrete unequivocal proof
mayen: i just want to have a break
tim: for my eyes to believe - the heart is too ambiguous
tim: ok
mayen: you want
mayen: mango
tim: mmmmmmm masarap
mayen: heheh
tim: enjoy - have you got one there?
mayen: yes
mayen: ihave here
mayen: my sister buoght
mayen: how's oscar
tim: he's as hungry as you are -all the time
tim: he he
mayen: hehehe
mayen: really
tim: yah - got a "thing" inside him
mayen: maybe you never feed him
mayen: i saw a cat in here
mayen: its brown
tim: always - he opens the cupboards - tries to feed himself
tim: in the cafe?
mayen: yes
mayen: the owner bring him
mayen: hehehe he is alone
mayen: poor cat
tim: meaowwww
mayen: hehehe
mayen: i miss those daily conversation
tim: yah
mayen: but this day is really different
tim: so do I - it is sad
tim: why?
mayen: our conversation is like in the court with a lawyer
mayen: hehehe
tim: yes Me ludd
tim: would the prisoner please rise . . .
mayen: hehehe
mayen: i remember my father he wants me to be a lawyer
mayen: but i dont like
mayen: you want mangoes?
tim: yah - please - I miss them
mayen: are we friends now?
tim: I feel we are always friends - it is strange - always - no matter what
mayen: yes
mayen: friends
tim: huhuhuhuh
tim: I wanted more than that
mayen: it hurts
tim: it does
mayen: really hurts
mayen: like a song
mayen: i like it
mayen: the way we used to sing
tim: yah
mayen: so what's your plan
mayen: after this
tim: I have work coming soon - Mrs T and I are still at war
mayen: aha
mayen: would you still go on with your divorce?
mayen: not anymore?
tim: I think so
tim: we are still planning it
mayen: i wish you are free
tim: yah - so do I
mayen: no mess
tim: he he
mayen: no interruptions
mayen: hehehe
tim: peace
mayen: do i have to wait?
mayen: or not anymore?
tim: wow - a big question - I still want you - but am I mad?
mayen: yes
tim: I am mad?
mayen: sometimes stupid
mayen: but
tim: yah
mayen: and that's what you are
tim: yah - that's who I am
mayen: yes
mayen: you never answer me?
tim: aha
mayen: do i still have to wait?
tim: here comes the answer
mayen: hehehe
mayen: what?
mayen: not anymore?
tim: sorry - Mrs T on the phone
tim: she wants an answer as well
tim: she knows I'm chatiing with you
mayen: okay
tim: she says " Is it all over?" meaning me and her - I said yes -
tim: now I have to answer you
mayen: do i have to wait?
mayen: are you worth waiting?
tim: only you can answer that
mayen: i will wait
mayen: promise
tim: mWaaaaaaaah
tim: I am amazed
mayen: but
tim: but?
mayen: we will have to think everything
tim: yah
mayen: this is not easy
tim: no
tim: very hard
mayen: yes
mayen: really
mayen: hard
mayen: i read your e mail before
tim: yah
tim: which one?
mayen: it goes like this
mayen: that i tell you
mayen: before GOD
mayen: I DO LOVE YOU
mayen: ARE TRUE
mayen: this was august 10
mayen: the day i was in the hospital
tim: yah - the very same day
mayen: yes
mayen: here it goes
mayen: MY FUTURE
mayen: i dont know if i have to believe in this
mayen: it hurts
tim: and what did you do with that trust?
mayen: you are the one who never trust me
tim: blindly?
tim: you want to marry someone who is blind?
tim: stupid?
mayen: its hard
tim: sends money out just because his heart says so?
mayen: the money you sent me is a help
tim: that can only happen if we both have trust
tim: yah - I know - but help for genuine situations
mayen: and that's what you are doing
mayen: but i never thought
tim: well then - all I need to prove is that it's genuine
mayen: this give a color
mayen: green color
mayen: you cant prove it in a distance
tim: it is very hard to prove 6,000 miles away - and as our future depends on it - I need to get to the truth
mayen: its the truth
tim: exactly - but that is why it is such a perfect vehicle for a scam
mayen: no not a scam
tim: he he - we go round in circles
mayen: hehehe
mayen: yes
mayen: do you know why
mayen: we go roundin circles
tim: round and round - and that's what I've been doing - going round and round
tim: why?
mayen: be cause you are insisting your side
mayen: and me too on my side
mayen: no will be humble
mayen: no will accept
tim: no - the reason is - because the whole situation depends on my love for you
tim: and I need to know if that love is being abused
mayen: im not abusing
mayen: im not that kind of a person
tim: you are a clever person Mayen
tim: I cannot see into the depths of your heart
mayen: if i will do it, why to you?
mayen: why not to the millionaires
tim: because I was there
tim: that's no excuse
mayen: i know your financial status timmy
tim: I have a lot of money potentially coming
mayen: its only coming
tim: enough to make us happy
mayen: but not the very same day that it happend
tim: no - not yet
mayen: i never abuse you
mayen: and if you think i will do it
tim: but only you know that
mayen: then what for we are talking in here
tim: because my love for you is so strong - and it is important
mayen: its not strong timmy
mayen: its not
tim: it's not blind
tim: it's not stupid
tim: it's cautious - in an environment where caution is needed
mayen: i dont know
tim: the Internet -
mayen: i dont know
mayen: i dont know
tim: I hate distrusting you - I hate it - it's not how I wanted it at all
mayen: timmy, if you only knows
mayen: if you only know
mayen: that i never lie to you
mayen: but if you keep on insisting then
mayen: no reason
mayen: at all
tim: the only reason I sent out the letters was because of the passion I felt about it
tim: the same passion I feel for you
tim: it's energy
mayen: its not passion
tim: it propels me
mayen: you are accusing me
mayen: and that is the worst
tim: I am in a position of severe doubt - which - if I am right can only mean one thing - OK - I am premature - I will hide my writing from now - until I am finished with this.
mayen: you are taking away your messages from DIA
tim: that was an accident
mayen: an accident?
tim: I didn't realise yours would disappear
tim: when I deleted my profile
mayen: its un acceptable
mayen: timmy timmy timmy
tim: why?deleting my profile?
mayen: my file
mayen: the messages
tim: I only deleted my profile
mayen: okay
mayen: dont have to argue
tim: no
tim: it was unknown what would happen when I deleted my profile
mayen: timmy
mayen: timmy timmy
tim: Mayen Mayen Mayen
mayen: dont know
mayen: why is thris happening
mayen: why is this happening
tim: it is a very big question
mayen: yes
tim: I have been asking Him for so much help
mayen: but how will you hear
mayen: you are deaf
mayen: he whisper you
mayen: but you never hear
mayen: HIM
tim: there was a whispering
mayen: okay you want mangoes
mayen: break
tim: yah masarap
mayen: timmy
mayen: timmy
tim: Mayen Mayen Mayen
mayen: i will ask you
tim: yah
mayen: why, we are still here
mayen: when we know it wont work
tim: he he - in the face of all reason - because we want to be here
mayen: hehehe
mayen: sounds funny
mayen: yes im thinking
mayen: why
mayen: hehehe
mayen: my friends told me
tim: what?
mayen: but i still did
tim: I understand
mayen: timmy
mayen: timmyt
mayen: timmy
tim: Mayen Mayen Mayen
mayen: i think i have to go now
tim: you have to go? Where?
mayen: in my provine
mayen: there its peaceful
tim: yah
tim: it is
mayen: no computer
mayen: no celfone
tim: nope
tim: nope
mayen: yes
mayen: bye
tim: God be with you
mayen: are you still there
tim: yah I think so
mayen: hehehe
tim: i'll check
mayen: heheh
tim: no I've gone
tim: he he
mayen: now what will we do now
mayen: staring in the computer screen
tim: maybe you should go for a rest - to province - the truth is the truth - it will not cahnge
tim: and I shall get closer to it
tim: as to what sort of truth it is
tim: have you still got the ring?
mayen: yes
mayen: i have it
tim: really?
mayen: yes
mayen: i will keep it
mayen: i will give it back to you
tim: keep it safe
mayen: its yours
mayen: are you busy?
tim: phone again
mayen: aha
tim: won't be long
mayen: okay
tim: guess what?
mayen: what?
tim:Mrs T again, she says that tonight someone told her a very sad tale
mayen: what
tim: a boy - crying
tim: about his girlfriend
mayen: ah fortune telling?
tim: no
mayen: what
tim: she was in the Philippines
mayen: aha
tim: he sent her a lot of money
mayen: ah
mayen: then
tim: you know why?
mayen: why
time: you know why
mayen: why
tim: you know why
mayen: this is crazy
tim: she had an Ectopic Pregnancy
mayen: aha
tim: and they are so rare
mayen: aha
mayen: so okay
mayen: if you keep on believing on that
mayen: then
mayen: i told you
mayen: you go on with that thinking
mayen: yes
mayen: i do admit that the philippine
tim: we were talking about getting a message from God
mayen: has some knid of cases like also in tother asian country
mayen: but if you keep on basing on that
mayen: then
mayen: nothing to do with it
tim: you are very clever
tim: but I think God has the edge
mayen: dont insult me
mayen: it is not true
tim: it's true - you are clever
mayen: my case is different from those you based from
mayen: our story is different
tim: how?
mayen: you know the truth
tim: the truth cannot be spoken
tim: it is
mayen: i have the truth
mayen: now again
tim: yah you are the truth
mayen: go round in circles
mayen: you keep on insisting
mayen: listining to the people around you
mayen: and how about me
tim: and so so you - that what my heart says is true - but my heart is free - it just says love
mayen: you hear the truth
mayen: now
mayen: im not afraid
tim: what is the truth - you cannot speak the truth - it is - and it will always be - it doesn't need speaking
mayen: timmy go on
mayen: go on
tim: the truth doesn't require any pressure to be believed
mayen: im not pressuring you
tim: it speaks for itself
mayen: i was get angry because you keep on insulting me
mayen: yes
mayen: you are right
mayen: truth speaks for itself
time: and will always be there
mayen: yes
mayen: timmy
mayen: timmy
mayen: timmy
tim: Mayen Mayen Mayeeeeeeen
mayen: i have deleted my account in DIA
tim: yah?
mayen: we have talked
tim: we have - yah
mayen: and i think
tim: yah?
mayen: we just keep on round in circle
tim: it appears that way
mayen: yes
tim: you see had it been true - it would have been so easy to prove
mayen: its not easy
mayen: computer
mayen: internet
mayen: its so hard to believe
tim: but nobody even tried
mayen: have to go now
mayen: i hope someday
tim: God be with you
mayen: you will realise

That was it I thought - perhaps the last time we would ever chat. I didn't want to lose touch - I needed to find the truth.
My sensation during the chat however - I don't know whatever one can sense across the internet - was that she was lying - and still trying to manipulate me into removing my blog, on Sir Francis's bidding - trying to work me round - even trying to forge an artificial truce at some points in her conversation.

I was surprised to have the chat at all. If we did have a genuine relationship and the operation was all true, then Mayen was a real gem of a girl - such compassion - such a capacity for forgiveness. On the other hand, the alternative interpretation of events made her even more sinister - with her compulsive lies that flowed so readily - and her incessant manipulation of my emotions to satisfy her single purpose - obtaining money.

If there were no scar for me to ever see - in the flesh - so to speak - it is unlikely that I would ever see her again - so any of her hinting about a possible future together had to be complete fantasy.
In her mind, I'm sure, all that she was able to rely on, the only tool in her toolbox, so to speak, was my desire for her - the stereotypical male response to her - hence she would always be appealing to that side of me - never the logical side, the side that needed honesty - the rest of the chat speaks for itself.

Straight after the chat she fired off a quick email to me.

this is so hard. but have to move on.. you keep on insulting me.. someday you will realise.. the truth is there but you refused them. now i cant bear it.
have to go.. be safe always and you will remain forever in me..

Click the flags to read about all the alarm bells.


Tim Cumperhttp://www.bebo.com/Ellumbra

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